The power of AND: how to suck at stuff, be scared, feel unclear AND still get good shit done
📸 by Maksim Goncharenok on Pexels
I'm talking to a founder who has been bootstrapping for a while. Juggling a very demanding senior role in finance with building a physical wellness brand. She's been gaining increasing traction with the side hustle - being asked to contribute and collaborate with some exciting platforms. The opportunities and offers are coming in faster than she has the time to deliver on them while juggling the day job.
She'd planned to quit the day job in January, but she hasn't told them this yet. January is usually a quiet month. She could leave having tied up loose ends and on a high. But then people have started booking her in for new projects and asking her to speak for the organisation at events in January. To quit in January would be letting lots of people down - which doesn't sit well with her.
We talked about feeling guilty AND saying no. About letting people down AND being able to take the next step in her business. Making space and accepting the uncomfortable emotions around letting people down and where they come from - her care for others, a value she's proud to have - AND not letting them stop her from moving forward with her dream, which will help many others in a different, more values-aligned way.
Your version of this might not be about quitting a day job. It might be about launching something new whilst managing existing commitments. Setting boundaries with clients whilst not wanting to seem unhelpful. Investing in your growth whilst feeling guilty about time away from family. Saying no to opportunities whilst worrying you'll never get asked again.
This is what I call the power of AND.
It's a tool that's the antidote to either/or thinking.
A way to get out of thought traps that are overly binary, overly simplistic, unhelpfully judgemental. It's been coming up a lot in conversation recently with my socially responsible founders. But they aren't just using it to move their business goals forward and not feel stuck or overwhelmed - they're using it in many different parts of their work and life. And that makes sense. Work and life rarely sit neatly in cleanly defined boxes.
The AND in action
I'm working with a client who's making space for the fear she's feeling around a bold move in her business - a new product she's launching that holds some risks. She's done the research and it isn't a blind leap of faith into the unknown, but it's still scary. A bit more of a stretch out of her comfort zone than she's used to. We talk about how it's possible to feel the fear AND take the values-aligned action. The fear doesn't have to go away first. It can come along for the ride.
I'm having a conversation with a British entrepreneur who is building a purpose-driven business connected to her family's home country of Ukraine. This business matters on so many levels to her. But she's asking whether she should pause what she's doing because of an exciting opportunity to study a master's that's arisen. She's wanted to go deeper in her studies for some time. She's looking at this as an either/or situation, going round in circles in her thoughts. But what if she could study AND build the business? We explored how the two activities might nourish each other rather than take away.
I'm exploring with a client what's been helping her with the change we both see? She's been moving from a position where either/or thinking connects to perfectionism. When she came to me she described how she either just wouldn't start stuff or take action because she knew it wouldn't be good enough - the perfectionism was stopping her from even beginning. Or in the instances where she did begin something, she would quit before she'd allowed herself the time to move from messy beginner to experienced practitioner. It was just too uncomfortable to suck at stuff. She couldn't accept that her action was both inexpert, messy AND the right thing. She was taking the messy bit of the process as a signal she was on the wrong track. But the change happened when she accepted that it was possible to be on the right track AND suck at it to begin.
How to use AND
A client recently asked me: "I get the concept, but how do I actually use this?" She was reflecting on how she sometimes gets too caught in tunnel vision - laser-focused on a hard goal in a very specific way. She understood that embracing the messiness and bringing flexibility was valuable, but wanted to know: how do you actually do this in the moment?
We talked through a simple check-in process:
Notice when you're stuck. This might look like either/or thinking - "I have to choose between A or B" - or it might look like tunnel vision - "There's only one way to do this" Both are signs you've lost sight of the ANDs.
Check in with yourself. Take a step back. Ask: What am I making this mean? What else could be true here? If you're laser-focused on one particular path, ask: Is this tenacity and focus currently serving me?
Look around for the ANDs. What other ways exist to keep moving towards the same North Star? You're not abandoning your goal - you're looking for alternative routes. You're not dismissing your feelings - you're acknowledging them AND looking for what else is present.
Make the call. Sometimes the focused path IS the right one, and the AND is about holding your doubt alongside your commitment. Sometimes the AND reveals a more flexible approach that actually gets you there faster. The power isn't in always choosing AND - it's in remembering you have the option.
Why AND matters
The tool of AND connects very directly with one of my biggest passions - having a flexible and iterative mindset. Both as a business tool and beyond!
The AND is a space to acknowledge the messiness of being a caring human being. Rarely do we get absolutely nice clean binary situations. The AND lets us acknowledge some of the difficult thoughts and feelings that might stop us from taking action AND stay in motion, keep iterating and moving forward.
When a client notices that their thoughts are a big part of what's holding them back - that they're getting in their own way - a not unreasonable question is: how do I stop this? And the answer is not to attempt to stop the thoughts. That just catches us in an inner battle of fighting thoughts with thoughts. The answer is one of accepting that the doubts and fears will show up because we care and because there's a slightly overprotective part of us trying to keep us safe but inadvertently keeping us small too.
The answer is to notice the thoughts AND be taking action.